The Colour Blue is a safe space for you to share your story. Tell us about your own experiences with mental health, struggles, challenges, societal constraints and healing process. By sharing our stories, we hope to shed light on how prevalent these illnesses are, and the different factors that contribute to it; in an attempt to help start a conversation, and de-stigmatize narratives surrounding mental illnesses.

Faizan / Male / 38 / Lahore

This is not a typical story of me as person. These are just some random thoughts. This is the story of the events happening with me. This is not the justification but this is me trying to justify the events that happened to, and with me. People think I am a bad person because I made many mistakes in my life. I admit that I made these mistakes - as a person I am not good or maybe I am good but my mistakes overshadowed the goodness inside me. I don’t know when I was trapped inside...

Izza Malik / 19 / Karachi

Books got me out of my depression I lived with depression for a few years. Those years changed me in a lot of ways. I turned inwards, my self-esteem waned and the word ‘pessimistic’ followed me like a shadow. Every person I met openly told me that I was very ‘pessimistic’ and I should change. Their words were unfriendly and hurtful, but they were true. As time passed, I felt sad and lonely. A cold realization dawned suddenly—my circle of friends was shrinking. Apparently, I had become too negative to even be friends with. 

Javeria / Female / 37 / Lahore

Living in Pakistani society the stigma attached to mental illnesses is unparalleled. When I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, back in 2007, it was very difficult for me to come to terms with my diagnosis. I was an Assistant Professor after all, and that too at a university that's considered one of our most prestigious ones. I was perfectly "normal" of course got good grades, was a pretty good teacher, family was all good, how come I was going into this? Who hasn't had a few bad depressive days and days where they felt on top of the world?...

Joshua / Male / 25 / London

I had to escape. Relentlessly, the walls surrounding me inched ever more closely to my sanity. It was all encompassing; paranoia with a stream of guilt took to my insides like a blender to soft fruit. It began to churn and twist and rip me apart. My breath became shallower. I was beginning to pant like some dehydrated dog stuck in the back of a hot Cortina in the midday summer’s sun. The tips of my fingers and the flesh of my lips began to tingle and twitch. I felt the muscles under my eyes begin to spasm. Then...

Sahrish / Female / 30 / Karachi

An Open Letter on Mental Health Chances are we don’t know each and may have never heard about each other either. But I know one thing that makes us be alike. It is either you still have a heart and your humanity intact or that you and I, both are a passenger of the the same boat called ‘mental illness’ that has way too many rooms (disorders) named differently. We may struggle with a different disorder but we are still in the same boat, right? Today, I choose this day to write this letter to you and address a few things...

Saniya / Female / 27 / Islamabad

Mental illness is considered a taboo in our society, much like divorce, rape, honour killings and anything and everything that makes our people uncomfortable. Mental illness, including, but not limited to depression, anxiety disorders, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, paranoia, split personality, have existed for decades and centuries but in the 21st century, more and more people are being consumed by this disease. This is not at all because the new generation is “weak” or “vulnerable”. It’s because our generation is more aware about diseases relating to the mind. You talk about depression in a social gathering and 9 out of 10...

Aliza / Female / 31 / Karachi

A little love and care can save a life! “You are sick, you need to go and see a psychiatrist”, is often the one liner that most of the people suffering with some kind of issue are often told. But it’s forgotten that what people need is a human connection, friends and family around who assures them that they believe in the person. Seeing a psychiatrist or a counselor is still considered as a societal taboo where we live. A person who is sad or upset is often left out alone because nobody wants to be with them. When someone...

Male / 23

It's been more than a two years since I realized I needed help. More than a year since I started therapy/medication. It's been nearly a year since I had my first self-harm episode. I am 23. I have wasted "best" years of my life under this dark cloud. I graduated. I tried my best. I am still trying. This has been the weirdest year of my life because if you ask people around me they might say I am doing alright. Decent grades. Decent social life. Good prospects. But I have only shown the scars on my wrist to...

Male / 27 / Karachi

I've been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. I have jumped from one relationship to the next, repeating the same patterns in each of them, ultimately unsuccessfully. I have done the same with jobs, and am now only continuing my current job out of the crippling fear that nobody will want to hire a job-hopper like myself. I claim to be an ally of the feminist movement. I think I genuinely believe in it as well. But in my personal relationships, I have entered as a rescuer, and shuffled between persecutor and victim in an abusive manner repeatedly. I have...

Male / 27

Intersectionality is a concept is an idea that our experiences are defined by, and the result, of the nexus between gender, sexuality, ethnicity, class and other social variables that determine our identity. In other words, our sense of ‘who we are’ cannot be understood in isolation from these social variables, given the extent to which they shape our life experiences. As I write this, I feel as if I am writing rather something which probably would be common sense to many people. At least for me, as a gay Pakistani man, I came to appreciate and understand intersectionality as...

Female / 32 / Islamabad

You know the most dreadful sound in the world? It might be different for you, for me it’s the sound of my morning alarm clock. My dislike is mainly due to the fact that it brings me back to the land of consciousness, like “Hey, it’s yet another day, welcome back to the same old me and same old life”. Now, I know you would say that thousand new things could happen every day if you keep yourself occupied but let me assure you, if the outlook is same, nothing really changes, except the benign progression of age. This...

Male / 60 / Lahore

My daughter's struggle with Bipolar Disorder  Simply put, M was a delightful child; a packet of fun and curiosity, and after her mother and I got married, she thought of me as her father. It was the early eighties; we lived in a predominantly Asian community who had unfortunately brought their rather stilted mores with them from the sub-continent. As a single mother, my now ex-wife was treated a pariah and M guilty by association. I brought some equilibrium to their lives after our marriage. I took M on jaunts to the many museums and art galleries in London and...

Female / Karachi

One of the biggest struggles I’ve had with my depression and anxiety is the acceptance that it is not my fault. I learnt in medical school that it is a chemical imbalance in your brain inhibiting dopamine from staying when it should (popular theory) and yet I think it’s still something I can control. That’s a pretty popular mindset that plenty around me had as well. Nobody wants to believe they have a problem, nobody wants to accept that they need help, people see this as a weakness they have to hide and be ashamed of. Pakistan had 1500 psychiatrists...

Misheal George / 21 / Female / Karachi

Life is hard but it is harder when you are dealing with mental illness. I am Misheal George, 21 years old, living in Karachi. I have been diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety lately by a Psychiatrist. My treatment is going on and I'm on medication. Pray for me. So I would like to share things happening in my life since I have been dealing with mental illness. Life becomes so hard with this that you don't even get yourself. It's the peace of mind that you crave so bad that you unintentionally start to hurt yourself and others around you. You...

Fazeel Khan / Male / 25 / Karachi

The Road to Recovery - Three Months Later Nearly three months ago, I attempted suicide. It wasn't the first time I had done something of the sort, but it was definitely my most destructive attempt yet. January 18th, 2018. It's my 25th birthday. I'm surrounded by so many happy faces in my favorite restaurant. The love I feel radiating off of them towards me is simply amazing. I look at them and thank God for giving me so much to be grateful for. I must really be a nice person to be surrounded by so much positivity. This is the best day of...

Female / 27 / Karachi

"I am waiting for the peaceful blue With the white waves flying through A familiar laughter in the background The sun shining with gratitude Come home dear dad" I wrote this poem in perhaps one of the darkest days of my life. Everything had fallen apart, and I could not bring myself to be hopeful. No matter how hard I tried to think positively it just became impossible. Such is the repressive ability of the mind, it will refute all rationale to make you believe the worst. In my experience I have also learned that hopelessness is perhaps the most addictive mental state. When...

Female / 28 / Karachi

I first learnt about Bipolar Disorder in psychology class at school. Eighteen years old and without a care in the world, I barely paid attention as the professor outlined that those with Bipolar experience periods of intense depression followed by periods of equally intense and polar opposite mania. At the time, Bipolar Disorder was little more to me than a condition I needed to know enough about to regurgitate onto the exam paper. And so for the purposes of getting a good grade, I remembered snippets of information like the fact that bipolar mania resulted in reckless behavior that can...

SHARE YOUR STORY

Share Your Story